Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
