So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
