matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
