I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
