if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
