Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
