Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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