Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
