The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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