Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
