If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
