The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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