nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
