Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
