Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
