don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
