While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
