There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
