sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
