My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
