woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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