it wasn't lemon gatorade
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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