even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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