im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
