hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
ugly people sure do ruin things
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
