I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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