sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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