My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
