At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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