I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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