My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
