I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Randomize
