can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
