I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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