all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
