every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm sobbing to NWA
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