When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize