i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
