well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
