one two three fourrrrnication!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
