Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
