so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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