Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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