We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
