4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
