I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
