you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
