Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
