Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
