it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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