Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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