you're like a bully in the Christmas story
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is Oprah even human
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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