she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
