i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
