You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
