franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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