just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
