my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize