i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
