even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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