so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
