the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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