every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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