There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The adults are the big ones right?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
