This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just gift wrapped bread.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
