he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
