We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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