I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
