so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
