i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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