you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
