I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
