Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
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Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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