hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
