Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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