It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
