you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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