ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
