I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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