Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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