So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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