I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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