Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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