so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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