My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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