i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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