Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
