I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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